reply of a deaf heart

Sorry for not being so perfect –
Sorry for being too sweet—
Sorry for not being gentle—
Sorry for being too-keep—

Sorry for the words not softly spoken—
Sorry for the songs you can’t even hear—
Sorry for the attitude unwanted—
Sorry for the wound I didn’t heal—

Sorry for getting jealous—
Sorry for feeling so insecure—
Sorry for waiting too early—
Sorry for breaking the rule—

Sorry for taking the wrong chances—
Sorry for breaking another wing—
Sorry for not helping the escape thing—
Sorry for this love- not so consistent in heart-fixing—


signed: idiot

SUPERMAN,


One of the greatest things I am and will forever be grateful to God is having you as the instrument of my existence..i wish I could speak a word on the very moment I had my first breath on this world—so you can hear me saying my “thank you”..I wish I could show a wide smile on my first look in your eyes so you’ll know how proud I am of having you in my life..there are million things I wish could do just to show you how much you mean to me..
I can still remember how you carry me in those strong shoulders, how you put up my own basketball court and made me a wooden see-saw-- your hands are so crafty, you are so cool..those were the sweet times when I ride in your back and you acted like my horsey (hehe)..those nights when you tell me scary bedtime stories that will make me pee in the middle of my sleep..how you fetched me in school when I was in my lower grade..I wish I could turn back the time..me as a carefree child of yours..
I know I am not your favorite but you spoiled me like I am..I recall the time you hit me with your big leather belt, you were so strong, mama can’t stop you..i thought you don’t love me at all but it was your way of cutting the horns in my head..we all had the whipping anyway and we deserve them—I know.
..but you know what’s the best moments that made me smile and cry?..On my graduation days in highschool and college.. I always expect them..I was all the time teary-eyed, blushing when my friends would poke me saying –“look, your papa is crying”..how could a strong disciplinarian cry in front of so many people?..the soft side we seldom see (and I got from you)..you can’t get up on stage ‘coz you can’t stop it and you’ll get the whole crowd crying too (hai)..at the end of the program I would kiss you and put the prize around your neck..and you cry again (hehe)..
Now, it’s different. I am not totally independent but I learned to live away from home..i have lots to discover but still I wanted you to be a part of every best moments in my life (I know you will)..thanks for all the support and the unconditional love..i am proud of you..
See you sooon!! Happy birthday! I love you pa!..


Still your baby;

BATMAN

a mistake.
i opened a useless topic.
despite knowing the same answer, my mind can’t help but ask for a desperate wish to come true..
as expected—a more heartbreaking failure..

i took a short silence thinking what to say..
until a text message was found..
it says “i love you”
i smiled- i was thinking of her
but the smile vanished in less than a second—
‘coz it wasn’t from her after all..

and so i laid in bed..waiting for answers on the ceiling..
queries flying inside a confused consciousness..
should i keep waiting for her—who’s afraid of loving me?
or should i take a chance on the old one—who keeps on waiting for me to love her again?..

“(yawn) What time is it?”—asked my sleepy soul as my hand searched the celfone..
“oh sh*t!, it’s 7:35.”, (I’m late for work again)
I grabbed my towel, replied a good morning text, made coffee, and ran towards d bathroom..feeling dizzy, took a bath and recalling how last night ended ..

It was an early nightmare (my eyes were still open)..
I was in bed when I received a text message accidentally / incidentally sent to me..
it goes like this (orig txt in Filipino)

“(___), I can’t give my “yes” to you coz I still love him. We’re fine with “what” we are now, right?. I’ll make it up to you tomorrow. You find a hotel, and text me, ok? Mwah!”—from HER.

I sent back the message to her with a note :
“Why don’t you give him a chance? We will not be together again anyway. Don’t put your hotel moments into nothing, you can do it.”

She replied, “No strings attached. I’m still waiting for you, you know that”

And so I answered back, “You want an honest answer (____)?, I don’t recycle trash. I don’t care if you get yourself f***ed a million times. So you know, I won’t lay a single finger on a b*t**. You just prove how worthless you are. At least I made the right decision of not believing you this time.”

Her immediate response: “Don’t judge me. You know it still hurts knowing you had slept with the other woman. I can keep my words unlike you. I won’t be having sex in the hotel. It’s just a dinner date. “

“No need to explain. I don’t trust you anyway”--my last response.

She kept making explanations and sweet nothings. I don’t believe them, but I’m pissed.
I haven’t slept with anyone after we broke up, it’s a lie she didn’t even doubt.
And why am I bothered of that hotel thing?
I stayed late that night just to get up late in the morning??
I’m sick of this life.