reply of a deaf heart

--m a y b e ?--

--from d sender--


make SOMEONE a

who MAKES you ONLY an

--believe me,

I was listening to some music when I remember some part of my past.

I used to cut work just to have a date with my past love..

There were hundreds of reasons we argue about..

Our views always collide..

Our likes never meet..

Her favorites were never in my list..

The only thing that connects us in some way is—MUSIC.

She loves singing though she’s out of tune (she rarely admits)..
There was a time before when..she got mad at me..it’s all because of one song. The thing was, I can’t get the right tune of that song, so she ended singing alone. I can see how disappointed she was..she said it’s OUR song and I didn’t even appreciate it. I laughed seeing her in that state. So she sat on a bench ignoring my presence. I didn’t say a thing or apologize. Instead, I held her hand and led her to that same videoke room again. I chose that one and only song in the machine more than 3 times. I was really out of tune..but then, she finally smiled..and laughed seeing my eagerness singing that song. We sang the same song again and again ‘til I find my tune. She laid her head on my shoulder after we had our last. I knew I made her happy.

If ever you wonder what song it is..listen to this..

--but we were never careful on each other's hearts..

“SPECIAL IS DIFFERENT FROM IMPORTANT”

SPECIAL- someone you’ll never forget for the rest of your life..

IMPORTANT- someone you need for the rest of your life..

So tell me,,

AM I IMPORTANT OR SPECIAL?

--this message was sent to me a long time ago..and it made me confused at that point ‘coz I don’t know which answer is better than the other..playing safe, I said-BOTH...

Now it made me think again, there are many people who had and who will have special spaces in our hearts..but does it always follow that they all play an important roles in our lives?
There are so many passers-by we meet in different roads—

some will share their sweet smiles..
some will shed tears with you..
some we will forever remember..
and some will remain just strangers..

SPECIAL--We CAN’T hold on to them all through out our lives, often we have to move on..not because they have hurt us, not because we have dried our eyes crying for them, not because we value them less..BUT because..we MUST love ourselves more, and they made us learn how to live without them. They are part of beautiful chapters in our lives. They made our lives wonderful because they taught us the value of RESPECT and TRUST. –these are the values we missed to understand ‘coz we are blinded by their selfishness and betrayal. If we open our minds wider, we will then be aware that their way of hurting us- is but the same way of getting us back the values we lost for our own selves. For such reason why we call them SPECIAL—is due to the fact that they created an impact in our lives, SPECIAL ‘coz sometimes they made our lives extra-ordinary. No one can replace each SPECIAL person we have, not even the new found love. No one has the same level of their love, no one has the same weight of the pains they’ve caused us..and that made them SPECIAL.


IMPORTANT- We MUST hold them as long as we live. They are the ones we fail to value FIRST but in the END COMPLETES our whole being. They are the ones we SAVE THE BEST OF US. They are our soulmates (if we believe in such). They are the perfect pieces we’ve been missing for a long time. They are the ones who accept us ‘til we’re in our death beds. They made us know our priorities and we put them on top of it. Important people are like the organs inside your body. A part of your system. They can’t change your past, but they can move your future. They can’t make you forget your memories, but they will make the best moments of your present reality.

--behind these thoughts, YOU must be grateful for all of them..either they’re SPECIAL or IMPORTANT..’
Why? –‘coz they came into your life for the SAME reason—
MAKING YOU
H A P P Y

One of the things I surely won’t do is locking someone in my life. I rarely ask for second chances, I hardly ask someone to stay against their will.. if I do, that person must be really special. I can beg a maximum of three chances to make someone stay. In those chances, I am trying to understand her, the world and me. Despite I needed someone so much, I don’t have enough guts to hold her. They say love is holding on..but others say it is letting go—the latter I believe.

If I happen to make someone smile, it’s a fulfillment.
If I happen to make her frown, it’s a failure..
If I happen to make her hate me, I have nothing to do..
If she wanted me to let her go, I would do so..

I must let her go not to break her heart..but to let her save it from me..i am not a heartbreaker yet I am not a heart-programmer..
I won’t beg her to stay ‘coz I don’t want her to be unhappy again..

Message in the line:
“ There would come a point that we have to let go of someone we truly love, not because we don’t want them anymore or we stopped loving them..but because THEY’LL BE HAPPIER IF WE LET THEM GO.”

They say the only thing that is permanent in this world is CHANGE. Maybe such is the reason why some people wanted to change everything. Regardless of the subject, change is constant. I love changes when it comes to physical matters, to material things, to developments, every thing the bare hands can feel..but not with the untouchables-the attitude and the character.

The fear of changing my being is unchanging. At some point in my life, I managed to change my self, I learned to be unselfish, to give more than I can, I had given time more than its value. I was happy, I thought I made the right decision of changing into someone I am not. Until one day, the person who changed my world left me behind. It seemed to be an endless journey of finding one’s self. For months I tried to get my old self back, but I was totally lost.

After the long struggle, I found myself back, the very self I am now. Along with this old-self reunion was a promise not to risk for changing the character again. I told myself not to please any one just to make them stay. Yet, sometime, someone became so special that a part of this ego was forgotten. I thought I was good enough, but I am still not a saint. The dark side of my being slowly has been trying to make its way. I didn’t hold it back. It was a conscious choice. Simply because, I don’t want to be loved as a good person. I can make few changes in my beliefs, but not too much.

I never wanted someone to change because of me. Fair enough, that, I don’t want to change for someone who can’t accept me as me. If what I did and what I have at the moment won’t satisfy my precious one, I have no choice but to give up. I don’t want reach her standards to prove my love for her. I f she can’t be contented now, there’s no time she will be.

I will never be a better person for someone who won’t consider me as one.
And if ever I wanted to, I need her to teach me how..



not to leave me in an instant.

The best thing of following posts of the best bloggers in this site is getting your own self more realizations on things you missed to understand. Just this morning, I found some latest posts which made me pause, remember the past and question my own thinking.

I wish to post a quotation I remember..but fail to recall the exact words on such line. Anyway, it pointed out the difference between LETTING GO and GIVING UP..most of us misused these lines often..


LETTING GO applies to those you wanted NOT to stay ANYMORE..but you must consider a fact that this someone/something HAS BEEN TRULY YOURS for some time..

On the other hand,

GIVING UP is taking away the chance or possibility of HAVING SOMEONE you WISH to have/own..that someone/something has been JUST a part of your WISH..an unfulfilled wish..but was NEVER YOURS at any time.

However, these two different lines settle to ONE objective:

BREAKING ONE’S HEART

There are times I find myself lonely because you’re not there..
Though I wanted to find you, things are playing inside this consciousness that made me accept your silence..
If only I am braver enough to tell you how much your presence makes a difference but I can’t..
I don’t know how to make you happier and feel special in other way possible..
I hate some days when you are out of touch and take me for granted..
In those times when all I am wishing for is someone who will listen and understand this stranger but no one is there..
I wish I could comfort you in your not-so-good days..
Your quietness makes me doubt my own faith..i don’t think you needed me still..
I become stubborn when my eyes find others’ names instead of yours on my cel..
I hate this part when I’m missing you a lot and you seem so insensitive not to feel it..
I am becoming so cautious with my words at the moment ‘coz I don’t want to ruin some things again..
I am being too careful that I fear this heart would soon turn numb and cold of waiting..
I want this feeling to last, yet, I don’t know where to stand and put myself..
Some changes are happening right now and I don’t know how to face it..
As time passes me by, I am becoming a helpless coward..

Ok..

I think I should end this post before I pick the wrong words..

But please. don’t forget..

I miss you MORE than you do..

my day is incomplete without you because..

No matter how fast i run away from complications, fate had its own way of setting things less than i do expect. I am always open to changes, yet, I can’t take the fear of facing some changes in my life that this heart won’t want to hear and the mind won’t want to understand..

this song is an answer..

If you happen to hate me, feel free to let go—
If you happen to love me, don’t take it so slow—
If you happen to hurt me, I won’t plead you to stop—
If you happen to accept me, then it is my only luck—

If I happen to ask you, how long will you stay—
If I happen to hear you, forever I will pray—
If I happen to go there and sit by your side—
If I happen to see you, please don’t ever hide—

If we happen to long for each other, let me find you again—
If we happen to fail love, I’ll ask more cupid’s arrows to hit us within—
If we happen to be together, I won’t let go of your hand—
If we happen to find someone else, then I will understand--

signed: desperate

feel every word of this song..i love this..

Your silence makes me wonder—
My silence makes you doubt—
Your silence makes me weaker—
My silence makes you pout—

If your silence conquers my heart—
And my silence occupies your mind—
Will the silence make us fall apart?—
Or will it ruin the hidden feeling inside?—

This silence between us is safer—
That silence has been so unkind—
This silence I wanted no longer—
This silence can never bind—


signed: dumb

YOU were my life before you broke my heart—
SHE gives the dumb heart a new life to start—
YOU were my world, my sweet beginning yet my tragic end—
SHE’s not my everything, a complete stranger but truly a heaven sent—

I made YOU my captain, this insane soul was lost—
SHE finds my heart broken, her existence is a special cause—
I entered your damn world too risky, YOU repaid them all with lies—
She makes me swallow my pride just to avoid her saying goodbye—

YOU wanted me to come back, I never wanted you at all—
For this deep silence was slowly taken by someone who’s afraid to fall—
I didn’t have her “yes” ‘coz SHE’s playing safe, uncompromised—
Though I needed her to stay so I’ll have a lifetime reason to smile—

As much as I wish to show YOU the inner space I leave for HER—
I prefer not to, simply because I can’t take the fear SHE bears—
So if that time comes and all my untaken chances are gone—
I still wish HER the best man who could make those things I undoubtedly can’t—


signed: coward