reply of a deaf heart

They say the only thing that is permanent in this world is CHANGE. Maybe such is the reason why some people wanted to change everything. Regardless of the subject, change is constant. I love changes when it comes to physical matters, to material things, to developments, every thing the bare hands can feel..but not with the untouchables-the attitude and the character.

The fear of changing my being is unchanging. At some point in my life, I managed to change my self, I learned to be unselfish, to give more than I can, I had given time more than its value. I was happy, I thought I made the right decision of changing into someone I am not. Until one day, the person who changed my world left me behind. It seemed to be an endless journey of finding one’s self. For months I tried to get my old self back, but I was totally lost.

After the long struggle, I found myself back, the very self I am now. Along with this old-self reunion was a promise not to risk for changing the character again. I told myself not to please any one just to make them stay. Yet, sometime, someone became so special that a part of this ego was forgotten. I thought I was good enough, but I am still not a saint. The dark side of my being slowly has been trying to make its way. I didn’t hold it back. It was a conscious choice. Simply because, I don’t want to be loved as a good person. I can make few changes in my beliefs, but not too much.

I never wanted someone to change because of me. Fair enough, that, I don’t want to change for someone who can’t accept me as me. If what I did and what I have at the moment won’t satisfy my precious one, I have no choice but to give up. I don’t want reach her standards to prove my love for her. I f she can’t be contented now, there’s no time she will be.

I will never be a better person for someone who won’t consider me as one.
And if ever I wanted to, I need her to teach me how..



not to leave me in an instant.