reply of a deaf heart

i hate the process of FALLING iN LOVE--
when your mind can't think straight and your heart can't let go..
when you want to stop but its gravity is pulling you stronger..
and you keep on fighting to end it but your will becomes weaker..



i hate the process of FALLING iN LOVE--
when you act like a fool and you don't mind that fact..
when you build expectations yet no commitment was made..
when you rely on someone and you are not worth trusted..



=STILL, I CAN TAKE THE PROCESS DESPITE IT CLEARLY DEFINED THE RISK=


BUT, I JUST CAN'T TAKE THIS LINE TOLD BY A BROKEN GIRL TO AN ORDINARY BOY:

"--but im glad someone's keeping me happy now:)
I maybe not your girl but atleast you're sure I'll stay.."

THUS, realized..

SHE DIDN'T MEAN IT.

For a month i left this deaf site. It remained silent during the month of love and wished to keep the quietness 'til the end..but didn't happen..i still miss my dear deaf heart. I turned into the old pages of it and found--most pieces were broken and sad..for a long span it dedicated the lines to some special people..i wish to have an amnesia..i want to think that they are all mere fictions and just plain work pieces..no inspirations..but still thanks to those people who made the deaf heart hear for quite some time..

Now, this site is moving on.

It has no assurance of giving better new posts and will not speak according to real experiences of the writer. It will only tell fictions and baseless views. It will only hear others' thoughts without asking. It leaves the option for the reader either to follow every word or just leave it unread.

~way back in highschool,we play this song (in a school concert)..
i choose the instrumentals for you to try following the tune through your heart..
to those who can still hear, take time:

Have you ever seen yourself so lucky?--
that you are indeed proud of what you are?--
that you see yourself bringing sunshine in one person's life?--
that you wake up each morning having that wide smile that even reaches the depth of your soul?--

Have you ever felt so special AGAIN in your life?--
that you have found another reason of your existence?--
that you are making a purpose on this planet to some strangers?--
that you believe your past nightmares are finally over?--

I HAVE~~THEN.

But..


Have you experienced being broken AGAIN?--
by another person who you thought is different from the first one?--
that you thought would be willing to accept you after all?--
and you tried to give yourself another damn excuse just to fall?

Have you felt the SAME familiar pain AGAIN?--
finding out she is feeling the same happiness you once tried to give her?--
that you realized the same words she gave you belongs to someone else now?--
and you were JUST one of her PAST who never passed her standards?--

I GUESS~~I HAVE TOO.

And..

It's the damnest thing I hated most..yet..I'm locked into right now.



LeSSON: DON'T TRUST STRANGERS. (I have to say that..part of blogging)

~~Beanizer about to explode~~

Finally, the love's month is over..
Now here I go again..

"It's amazing how the falling rain symbolizes fearless love..
It goes down nOt knowing where it would land..
yet, IT STILL FALLS.."

~Who fears love? = I DON'T.
~Who fears falling in love? = I do.. in special cases.

Young people loves falling in love, even matured people loves it. Do we find the signs if the person we meet will make us fall? Obviously, there are no signs. Maybe such why they call it "falling in love" 'coz we are not forced to fall.

I met some thought one time, it says that falling in love is like falling on a dump hole. There are just 2 reasons why it happens..1--by accident or 2--you're simply stupid. I don't know if I believe it. 'Coz there are times I believe in serendipity--the hopeless romantic side of me. Yet most I conclude, Cupid is drunk when he is in the mood of hitting me with his arrows.

There's nothing wrong having fears especially with falling IN love. It is not wrong to save your own heart. It is not wrong to UNrisk a friendship. It further shows you really love the person 'coz you're afraid of losing him/her as a friend and keeping your love for the sake of keeping her/him a lifetime(?). But, is it fair? It may seem selfish to getting him/her a chance to be happy with you? I don't know.

I fell in love once and I do admit..the love is not totally gone, yet, the level of love is not the same anymore. It is easy to fall in love but it is a lot harder to fall out of it. It sounds stupid. When the one I USED to love asked me if I'm falling in love with someone new, I just turned silent. I am confused. If I say yes, the next question is--with whom?, and that, is the hardest part 'coz I don't know who's to fall or if the feeling is real or..it's just an illusion.

Ok, so those who are IN LOVE, please raise your comments and explain it to me.


~~bean's ____________________________